I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
He? As in you personified your dick?
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Randomize