his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
Randomize
