Have you finally orgasmed yet?
Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
Randomize
