Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
tell me about the eggs
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
Randomize
