When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
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