Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
Randomize
