my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
I think my vagina is haunted
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
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