I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
Randomize
