We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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