just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Randomize
