Who did Billy Mays play for?
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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