ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
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