I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
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