i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
Randomize
