is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
Randomize
