my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
we're making bets on your personal life
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
