Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Randomize
