I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize
