I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
