3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
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