i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
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