I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
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