Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
the raccoons are back...
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