Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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