I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
Randomize
