hotel room ftw
Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Randomize
