i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
