So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
Randomize
