Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
Randomize
