I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
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