I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
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