College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
