Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
Im just a social blackout drinker.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
Randomize
