You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
