Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
I'm just crazy horny about you
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
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