i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
