Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
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