I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Randomize
