She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
