found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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