dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
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