Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
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