I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
Randomize
