i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
