u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize