I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
Randomize
