dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
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