I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
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