he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Randomize
