The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
Randomize
