I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
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