i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
I wish life had little blips of pornography
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
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