She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
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