i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
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