you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
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