Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
Randomize
