you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
