Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
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