my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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