we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
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