I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
This show inspires me to have sex in space
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
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