so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
Randomize
