And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Randomize
