We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
Swine flu is the new snow day.
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
Randomize
