When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize