i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
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