I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Randomize
