Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
Randomize
