I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
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