im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
Woke up backwards on a recliner
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
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