I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
Randomize
