Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
Randomize