Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
Randomize