It's like God shit irony all over that family
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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